Friday, October 17, 2008

Plastic babies and aging punks

This weekend, my 13-year-old son will undergo a bizarre form of anti-sex propaganda, in the form of a life size robotic baby doll, which will demand food, comfort, burping and diaper changes at irregular intervals throughout the day and night.

To me, this is maybe the stupidest stunt his school has ever pulled. I object for these reasons:

1. Money. the dolls cost $400 each. Is this why the schools can't afford to teach foreign languages?
2. Time. I would so, so, so prefer that Sean learn to find Zimbabwe on the map or how to solve quadratic equations or whether Russia was a member of the Axis powers rather than how to tend a plastic baby. But alas, so much to learn, so little time.
3. Weirdness. We essentially can't go anywhere this weekend, because Sean may be called upon, at any moment, to change the diaper on a plastic robot baby. Most people think this is kind of strange.
4. Message. What the program is trying to say is, "Don't have babies because they will ruin your life." And this is true for most eighth graders. However, a plastic baby is not anything like a real baby. It does not fall asleep beside you after it is finished nursing in the middle of the night. It does not grab your finger. It does not smile. It is not warm and beautiful. It will never become a person that you love more than anything else in the world. We do all these pain-in-the-ass things for babies because they are people, they are ours and we adore them. Are there no young mothers in Walpole who could use a few hours help with their babies from responsible eighth graders? Do we really need plastic dolls that have next to no resemblance to the actual deal?

Okay, done now. On to the music, a volatile collaboration between Jon Langford of the Mekons (and about ten other bands) and Kat, the drummer from the Ex.

Jon Langford and Kat Ex
(Carrot Top)
US release date: 23 September 2008
UK release date: 6 October 2008

by Jennifer Kelly

Hey, you got your Mekons in my Ex... No, you got your Ex in my Mekons!

Jon Langford and Kat Ex, veterans of two of the longest-running punk bands in existence, team up for this scorching collaboration. KatJonBand is not as great as either the Mekons or the Ex at their peak, but it is fiercer, rawer, and more jittery than almost anything else passing for punk these days.

The rest.

"Bad Apples"

"Do You"


robp said...

I remember singing a load of Joe Ely songs to our first son to try putting him to sleep in the middle of the night; by the time we got to boy #2 I don't know if it was him or us but the sleeping through the night thing seemed to go a lot easier. Maybe his brother had psychically warned him about my singing.

Dispensing love dolls in school - seems like you could distort that and get it junked damn quick, probably a lot faster than your reasonable reservations would be considered. But it's already hit your kid, so do you go to the trouble?

jenniferpkelly said...

I just tell myself that while my son's school is enforcing its crazy ideology, the chinese are teaching their kids math and wonder all the rich people send their kids to private school.

I'm waiting for the module where they take all the 8th graders out in the parking lot late at night and make them drink Boone's Farm until they that they won't want to drink. And the one where they all get on the bus and rob the bank, so that they won't be tempted to do anything that may lead to jail.